Me and Mum saw the film the other week. Its Beautiful. Absolutely Beautiful. I nearly cried, several times. I love it. All of it. And the ending was perfect. I nearly cried there as well. 

And so I read the book. Which I finished yesterday. It was equally beautiful. And made me nearly cry almost as much. And in fact in a couple of places I did cry. 

Its about this little girl Lily, who has grown up thinking that she accidently killed her mother, when she was just four years old. Now, 14, she wishes for forgiveness and a Mother's love. Her only friend is a black servant Rosaleen. 

Racial tension explodes that summer and Rosaleen is arrested and beaten. Lily breaks her out and the two of them run away together. Finding sanctuary in the home of three sisters; May, June and August. Lily starts on a journey uncovering the mystery of her mother. 

My favourite character is August. She is...well lets just say is she was real I would love to be her daughter. I would give anything for that. In the film she is play by Queen Latifah, one of my favourite actresses. August is everything that I think a mother should be. Kind. Understanding. Forgiving. Sympathetic. Caring. Loving. Beautiful. 

As I was reading a bit in the book about Lily hugging August and pouring all her sorrow over her, well, it made me want my own August. A motherly figure to love. Then I stopped and thought, well I do, don't I? I have Sara. She is my mother. She is the one I run to. I tell her everything. She chooses to love me. She doesn't have to. She chooses to. For all my faults. She believes in me. She loves me. Like August loves Lily. 

I love Sara so much. So much that sometimes it actually hurts. 

Of course, I have my own Mother. Not like Lily., But a surrogate mother can say more than an actual mother sometimes. A mother has to love their child do they? Someone who chooses to love you, choose to be your Other Mother. They can show you a kind of love that, in a way, can mean more. 

Yea, I do love my Mum, I love her more than words can say. I'd rather die than see her hurt again. But Sara brought me back to life. Because she choose to love me. 

I've got so much to do at the moment I feel like all I am doing is working. So glad I have tomorrow off, maybe I will start to feel like I am getting somewhere with it all. 

Just when I think I have finished, I get more work to do. It is simply never ending, and I think that the whole year is going to be like this, so I guess I had better get use to it. 

This weekend me and Mum are going to Lincoln University for an open day. And we will be meeting one of my friends who went there after she passed her A Levels last year. So proud of her. 

Went pretty well actually, got into  third gear which I was pretty proud of actually. I still need to work on my steering. But apart from that I'm not doing too bad. Need more confidence though. And need to stop being so worried about it all. But I guess that will come with time. 

My human geography lessons for the rest of this week, and the whole of next have been cancelled. WHEEEP....no not really, I like geography, I really do. But we will be doing the work from home, which is good, because I work better at home, well, sometimes. You know how it is. 

Is all I have to say about today. 

I got soaked coming home from school I had to go and visit the hairdryer for the second time today. 

I am now sitting here feeling cold, and not liking it one little bit. I hate the rain. I hate the wind. I hate the cold. I hate the snow. Why do I live in England?? 

It's been a long week, definitely more tiring than last week. And I have a lot more homework than I did last weekend, so it looks like I am not going to be getting much of a rest. But I guess that's the price I will have to pay for wanting to continue on education. I want to get a good job. I want to make a difference. And to do that I will have to get good grades. And go to university. 

But lately I have been wondering, what exactly is it I want to do with my life. I mean I know I want to be an author. But that isn't really a practical career plan. So what am I going to do?? 

Whether she will ever read this I don't know...I did tell her about this blog today. But who knows which posts she will read, and which she won't. I don't mind her reading this. I mean she went through it all with me, and she has even read my diary, so you can't really get anymore personal than that. Sometimes I suspect she knows me better than I know myself. 

Don't get me wrong though, there are certain things I would never dream of telling her, partly because I am ashamed of them, partly because she has this view of me as being quite good and well, innocent I guess. Yet I have done some pretty bad stuff in my time. What teenage girl hasn't. 

Anyway, I am sidetracking. What was I going to say? 

Sara is an important part of my life. She means a lot to me, and I would trust her with my life. With her, I know that she will never judge me, never run away, never share my secrets. I know that she will always be my surrogate mother. Always care. And I also know that she will never know just how much she means to me. She in a way, brought me back to life. She gave me what no one else could when I was feeling at my worst. She gave me belief, not only in myself, but also in the world around me. She gave me the ability to care once again, about myself, and others. She helped me to trust. To trust her. To trust me. To trust my family. 

It is because of her that at the end of hard days that I sit on my bed, in the dark, look out of my window and pray to God. Not because I really believe in Him. I am agnostic. But because I believe in her. And she believes in Him. And so I pray. 

She always saw the best in me. And me in her. I look up to her. She is my Angel. 

All I seem to be doing is school work, and there really doesn't seem to be an end to it. Just when I think I have finished, I get loads more. 

And so I'm sorry I haven't posted much, but thats the way it goes right? 

Yesterday I was working till gone 7, and I never do that. Evenings are my time. But not this week.

so yea, today was tough i guess, lots of work, and little time for me, even now as i write this i am doing homework, and will still be doing homework after i have finished here. 

I was really busy, and simply never got round to it. Sorry. But hey, I will be posting today!!

so pleased, today i dont have to go into school untill 1:30, which means I have the whole morning to do exactly what i like. so i took a really long bath, then spent ages doing my make up, and am now taking pictures for my facebook profile! then i will walk my dog, and get some lunch before heading in for my geography lesson! only a hour of school in total...life is brilliant