I've been soooo busy, what with revision and homework, and that kinda stuff. I hope you all had a great Christmas break. And to any of you taking exams this January, good luck. I am sure you will all do fine, as long as you revise!!

Happy 2013 to you all. I wish you all the best for the New Year, and hope that it brings you plenty of happiness. 

For Christmas my Nan and Grandad came over, about 7 on Christmas Eve, and stayed the night. So we played Cards that evening...Boring!! And then about 11 I went to bed. Woke up at 7ish the next morning and opened our presents in the main bedroom, where my Nan and Grandad had slept. I got loads of money. £305 in total I do believe!!! Most of which will be going towards my driving lessons. Plenty of books. So many I've lost track actually. 

Nice necklace, new top, nail polish, a new rucksack. Which I really needed seeing as I have been using Mum's one to carry all my 6th form stuff. Gloves!! I was so jealous of Helena's ones that she got me some of my own!! 3 new CD's!! All of which I really wanted. 

Helena turned up 9PM Christmas Day and stayed, along with my Nan and Grandad through Boxing Day, and has only just left. Though Nan and Grandad left last night about 8:30PM, just before me and Helena watched Miranda and Mrs Brown's Boys. Both of which were so funny. 

Do tell me about your Christmas. 

I hope you all had a great Christmas, and am wishing you all the best for the New Year. 

I regret my first kiss. The more I think about it I should have known he was wrong for me. I never want to see him any and I wish I hadn't let him touch me, touch my boobs, hug me, kiss me, lick me. I wish I had never met him. He took everything so fast and I couldn't stop him. I wish I hadn't let him in. I wish I had been a little more forceful. I wish that he could have been sweet, caring, considerate. I wish I had just kicked him out. And that none of it had ever happened. 

I have never felt beautiful. Ever. Not even on prom night. 

I wish I could be happy being who I am. I wish I could see some form of beauty in me but I can't. I hate that I hate myself. But that is me. I am not one of these people who can see beauty ever where. 

I always look inside of other people. I never judge them by appearance. Its whats inside that counts after all. But I can't apply that to myself. 

I am simply not beautiful.

I know..me cooking!! I mean seriously!! I am not lying! I know I really like never cook. But it is Christmas! And so I iced the cake and have been making truffles!!!! 

Look...here is the proof!!

The Christmas cake says 'Merry Xmas & New Year round the edge!

Yay!!! No more school for a whole two weeks...yet I have SO much to do:
- Write an Essay for sociology
-Write up a case study of Armero
- Write three model answers for Geography - all mini essays
- Handwrite a 25 mark essay for Geography and do a detailed plan
- Revise for my Tudor resit in the January 
- Write my Crusade course work 

Yea....so much for a break. 

Okay guys so I have been writing this blog since August yea? Correct. I know I have. And I have poured my guts out to you in Survival. That period of my life isn't something I talk about too much. But you guys know so much about it. And have I got one single comment? NO!! You are reading some of the most personal moments of my life, and can you even be bothered to comment and say thank you for sharing? NO!! I ain't a stuck up bitch, no matter what you say I will appreciate it. I will reply to your comments and I am more than prepared to help you if you are going through something similar. Or even if you are not, I will help you if I can, deal with any difficult situation. 

But you guys, and I know you are reading this, can't be bothered to talk to me. I am a person you know. I have thoughts, feelings, and I do have a life. Not much of one with all my studywork at the moment, but I take the time to talk to you and tell you about my life, but do you reply to me, let me know about you, and what you think of me and my life. NO!! 

So please just take 5 mins to drop me a line. Talk to me! I am a nice person and I will be polite and considerate whatever you say. 

I kissed him. And I liked it. I think. But he made me feel uncomfortable. He made me feel like I was pathetic. I didn't feel right with him. He hurt me. Yet I know that I have to trust people again. I have to let someone in. Let someone help me. But I am not sure he is the one. He didn't make me feel special. Or touch me so that all I wanted was him. He didn't feel me. I want love!! I want the kinda love where you fall in love at first sight. He didn't give me that. I want someone who will touch me and make me weak at the knees. I want that impossible fairytale love. He didn't give me that. I didn't feel any connection between us. 

Yet he says he can love me, and bring me out of my shell. He says that he will be there for me. I don't know...do I give him a chance??