I keep wondering what I am going to do with my life. I have so many dreams. But they simply aren't realistic. And real life isn't what any of my dreams reflect. All I know is that I want to be an author. I need to be an author. But how I am going to get from here to there I don't know. 

Guess I am just a teenager with her head full of hopes of a perfect live with a perfect love. Because if I could live my dreams then that is how it would be. And so that is how I dream of my future. Even though I know it is unlikely. Any of this making sense to you guys?

I wish I could become Cuitadella Sanda. I wish I could live the life of my books. 

To be honest I am scared of the future now. And saying that scares me. Because I have never been scared of the future. The future has always been my hope, not my fear. 

Which was fun, I have been going for just over a year now, and am totally loving it. For a couple of hours a fortnight I can forget everything, but just keeping me heels down and rising and falling in time with the horse. I don't need to think about the amount of homework I have, grades, UCAS, University, EPQ, and any of that. I don't need to worry about it all. Nothing matter except getting the best out of your horse. 

My Angel is my guiding light...that keeps me going through all the hurt and pain...the memories that hurt me deeply...the tears that I can't cope with alone...

My Angel is my hope for the future...my idol, and the woman that I look up to above all others.

My Angel is who I aspire to be like in the years to come...to be as loving, caring and considerate as her. 

My Angel is the voice of reason. She is the ear that listens to all that I have to say. She is the shoulder that I cry those painful tears on.

My Angel is the mother inside of me...the mother that loves all of me.

My Angel is the reason for the tears trickling down my cheeks right now. She is the reason for the love that once again, I can feel. 

And I know that My Angel will always be there for me. Until forever is over.

It's been a long week, definitely more tiring than last week. And I have a lot more homework than I did last weekend, so it looks like I am not going to be getting much of a rest. But I guess that's the price I will have to pay for wanting to continue on education. I want to get a good job. I want to make a difference. And to do that I will have to get good grades. And go to university. 

But lately I have been wondering, what exactly is it I want to do with my life. I mean I know I want to be an author. But that isn't really a practical career plan. So what am I going to do??