I dont speak about this ever. And by ever I do mean ever. No one but me and Sara know that this ever happened. And that was the way it was going to stay. But I feel like now is the right time to tell you this story. And if it wasn't for me knowing that this actually happened; I would believe it to be a story because it doesn't seem possible that I actually did this, felt like this. And wanted to do this.
I guess it must have been late June, early July 2010. I know it was before we broke up for the summer break.
I wanted to commit suicide. I was sure I was going to do it. I just didn't know how.
I told Sara that I wanted to die one day. And so she demanded that I speak to her the next day and explain why. God knows what she was thinking or feeling. I must have worried her sick with some of the stuff I told her.
Anyway I went to her first thing the next morning, and she gave me a note to explain why I wouldnt be in my PE class later that day. I remember I sat in the ICT suite with her and told her that I had to die because I was hurting too much and was hurting other people because I couldnt cope. I dont know what she said to me or what else happened. But whatever she said in that room changed me. I no longer wanted to die. She made me see I was more than just the pain I was feeling. She told me that she would miss me if I died, that she would hurt, and I would hurt those around me far me.
She changed my view, and since that moment I never thought about dying again. I was going to live. And more importantly I was going to survive to show her that I am worth it.
I guess it must have been late June, early July 2010. I know it was before we broke up for the summer break.
I wanted to commit suicide. I was sure I was going to do it. I just didn't know how.
I told Sara that I wanted to die one day. And so she demanded that I speak to her the next day and explain why. God knows what she was thinking or feeling. I must have worried her sick with some of the stuff I told her.
Anyway I went to her first thing the next morning, and she gave me a note to explain why I wouldnt be in my PE class later that day. I remember I sat in the ICT suite with her and told her that I had to die because I was hurting too much and was hurting other people because I couldnt cope. I dont know what she said to me or what else happened. But whatever she said in that room changed me. I no longer wanted to die. She made me see I was more than just the pain I was feeling. She told me that she would miss me if I died, that she would hurt, and I would hurt those around me far me.
She changed my view, and since that moment I never thought about dying again. I was going to live. And more importantly I was going to survive to show her that I am worth it.
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