The Fear...Is Still There

I could say that I am a child abuse survivor, because I am still alive. So yea I have survived. 

But I still get nightmares. Not that anyone knows. I still worry that one day he will come home. 

But I have, apart from that moved on. I don't think about him often. I can hardly picture his face anymore. My life is different now and I am a better person because of what I have been through in my life. Because of his actions I am the person I am today. I didn't let my life fall to pieces, I carried on and due to the help of those around me I climbed out of the dark hole he had left me in. 

I am happy now. I dont believe that he has destroyed my life. I have forgotten the fear and pain I felt because of him. I only longer fear it is him if I hear a car door shut outside our house. I only longer imagine meeting him on the way to or from school. 

So I have survived.


Yet deep down the fear still remains...

I hid the fear for a long while and tend not to let people know just how afraid of him I still am...but when I think about meeting him again I freeze and can't move, think, or even breathe...he scares me so much....and I can't ride myself of that fear..ever